Sometimes we get stuck. All around are messages and reminders that we shouldn’t look back. History is over. But it sort of isn’t, is it? It’s a reference point.
When we are lacking in confidence, or direction, worried about making the right choices, we must be careful to choose the correct reference point from which to move forward.
I won’t go on about PTSD, it’s too big a subject to contract into a short article. However, if we do source an unhelpful, or distressing reference it does help if we can remember why that one over the other one? Is it the emotional charge we seek? Intensity can blind.
There are people who don’t operate on the same intensity scale. They don’t seek it for whatever reason. Lucky for them! It’s not that their lives are boring, or even too predictable, they have hit the sweet spot of clarity without becoming Borg-like creatures from a sci-fi film.
If we have negative historical intensity as a reference point, without a positive one to counter it, without plans to assemble it, then there could be some difficulty in even the simplest scenarios. The secret is how to know that a positive alternative is relatable, relevant and accessible.
How do we plot that course without a map? For years, even I have agreed that concentrating on the negatives will get more negatives. For those who cannot imagine empty chairs with virtual role model conversations, there is another way through.
Use the negatives in a new way.
Suggest the opposite scenario to yourself. Some bad stuff may have happened. What would have to occur to improve on it positively? Which ingredients are already there? Which qualities and knowledge do you possess which can be used for a better result? Is there one (or more!) hiding behind that curtain of stuff you do not deal with because it’s supposed to be done and dusted?
I remember old fashioned compasses in maths class. Plotting a radius did not depend on a happy story. Think about it.
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