Turning Forgiveness Around


Forgiveness is all over the news and it’s mixed with struggle, acceptance and can be confusing for some of us – and sometimes does not happen for very valid reasons. Ooh, not pc!

Notice: If you want a predictable coach, what’s the point of looking at me! If I, either as an individual or your coach was all about saying, “Look at me with lots of answers, I know how to forgive”, well that would be ‘bully for me!’, and this article would not have been written. I have forgiven a few things, but admit it’s not always easy. Why? Do I lack virtue and emotional intelligence? Well, no one is perfect! 😉

Imagine not being too emotionally tied to a thing, or situation. It can be easy then to look at others and think ‘Why don’t they just let it go?’ Until it is ourselves who are invested in something and feel the pain. This does at least two things, it says: one rule for me, one rule for you and by association that one persons pain is so much more intense than another’s, so there is more value in one persons emotional hurt than one, or a group. It can also make us look for things to distract us so we don’t feel the pain as much, but we still do. No guilt is inferred here, it’s just human nature.

Forgiveness is personal. Who am I to decide it’s time for you to forgive? Enforced forgiveness through any social pressure is just balls. It will never be the case with me because you do things when you are ready. As your coach, there may be a route to more peace of mind down the track to help you feel better about something quicker, if you want it. There is no ‘have to’, or ‘must’ or implicit judgement. I know how much being judged negatively sucks the life out of a person. Life is too full of people telling others what to do.

Emotional intelligence as an industry has been at the forefront of most things psychobabble for years. I read a good article today saying if you’re good at emotional intelligence in childhood that it’s likely to determine how well one does financially in adulthood, but stating you can improve it. That’s good. Remembering a client who had a particularly horrid childhood where emotional intelligence was not helpful at home because of miserable isolation with mentally ill parents – one, caused by their fathers early adoption of alcoholism – the article could probably make their spirit sink a little, momentarily. They could have settled for helplessness, but like all my clients, they are survivors of experience, but they did not feel much like that at the beginning.

Beginnings are useful, but can be challenging, so great coaching with appropriate timing is what I work to achieve daily. I do not specialise in ‘isms’, but work with ‘People’. Tall, ones, short ones, fat ones, thin ones, poor ones and rich ones.

The phrase ‘not knowing which way to turn’ is common and very powerful. It infers that there IS a way to turn which is illusory, or hard to catch, so we chase our tails looking for something which isn’t anywhere but where we actually stand. If you need help understanding your position and how you got to where you are and how to get somewhere more pleasant, whether you think you want to move on from, or to something else, check out Statuam and drop me an email about where you want to be next.


Statuam … Coaching at your speed …

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